Do I need to say anymore?
Today, for reasons too complicated and frankly to dull to explain, I had to call the Minsitry of Defence Human Resources department. Now don't worry, I'm not in the forces, I'm not a spook and neither do I even work for the MoD, like I said complicated.
I knew the name of the person I needed to speek to, I new what building they work in but how to get through them when I didn't have their phone number? Look them up on the interweb find a phone number for the building, phone it and ask for them? Is that your suggestion? No really is it?
Oh silly, trusting, naive you.
I found a phone number on the MoD website for their HR section, but alarm bells started to ring when it started 0845. I could see where this one was going very quickly, and so as expected I got the robotic automated voice giving me various options ranging from moving jobs to disciplinery hearings to pensions, you name it, it had a sodding option until at last I got to, at about number 734, any other query.
Now it was my turn to be naive, normally when you reach this point you finally get to speak to someone, even if its only some monkey who has no idea what he's talking about. And that is what I expected.
What I got was another fucking list of options. Grrrr.....
Anyway I patiently sat through the current list, till the last option was "if you have such and such a query stay on the line" and was straight away put through to someone who though I worked for the MoD and needed help with some form or another. There was no way out!
So I politely explained that I needed to speak to a particular person and could they let me have their number.
Eh? What? Come again?
I'm very sorry sir, but I cant give out their number, I can only put you through.
So she put me through and put me on hold, and I stayed on hold, for ten fucking minutes the most excrutiating music you can comprehend was played in my ear, the sound quality was so bad I don't even know what it was. After ten minutes I was ready to throw my phone out the window, or failing that remove my own testicals with a rusty spoon, it would have been less excutiating.
Finally someone picks up, it seems the person I needed had left for the day.
Can I have her number?
No, I can only take a message.
I can only take a message.
Are you sure?
I'll try again tomorrow, just keep any rusty spoons out of reach.