Sucking the soul out of humanity

A couple of nights ago while bored and tired after spending the better part of 5 hours on a train I found myself channel hopping. It's a hobby I try to avoid as unless you stumble on an utter gem (I once found that Rising Damp is being repeated in ITV 3) it leads to your brain rotting and climbing out of your ear. Anyway on this occasion I am glad that I channel hopped because I stumbled on a TV programme that I think needs as much publicity as possible simply to expose how unspeakably awful it is. A TV programme so lacking in, well, just about anything positive or worthwhile that it left me wondering whether it had been produced as a spoof.

That programme is "Paris Hilton's British Best Friend".

Now if you have not had the dubious honour of encountering this show the basic premises is that a reality TV show format is used where contestants compete with each other to become the "British Best Friend" of Paris Hilton, an individual who, other than an unfortunate youtube moment, is famous for being er..... um...... well..... not a lot really. She's rich, being heir the Hilton group, and apparently glamorous and beautiful (although that is a matter of opinion) and the contestants are essentially expected to spend several weeks kissing her arse, getting voted off by Ms Hilton one at a time as she selects her lap dog.

Now I ask you, what level of indignity and self loathing would you have to sink to in order to compete for the friendship of anyone? To have someone stand before a group, including you, and say "I will be friends with just one of you" and then actually try and compete for it? Especially one who is quite obviously doing it for a spot of self promotion? What would drive you to do that and not simply tell them to fuck off and die?

In each episode I understand that they take part in various events at which they are judged by Ms Hilton who regularly swans into a room, sits on a throne, yes people, she sits on a fucking throne wearing a tiara, and pronounces judgement. And the best bit is, and you'll love this folks, is that they actually discuss which of the contestants is being the most false! Fuck me, I mean honestly, fuck me with a carrot, I have never seen anything so unbelievably laughable (Michael Portilo losing his seat in 1997 election came close I'll grant you) and nonsensical. People competing to be the lap dog of the mega rich accusing each other of being false. Tell me, it's not just me is it?

The worrying thing is that not one of the contestants seems to have any sense of irony, not one of them seems to be entering into a game show with any sense of it all being a bit of a joke. No, the way these people come across is that they honestly believe that this "friendship" is worth having. They believe that simply being used as part of a self promotion activity by someone already fabulously wealthy is worth something. They seem to believe that they are going to be taken into her personal life when we all know that they will simply be used for a few publicity photos and then cast aside.

I have never been a fan of "reality" TV but this really has taken it to brand new levels of farce and indignity.